Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize