i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
