Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
