i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
