i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
