Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
