just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I just want to make out with him forever
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
