He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
