im about as happy as oj after his trial
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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