if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
40s are totally the cure
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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