That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
