So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
