It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
