god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
This is not my ceiling
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Randomize
