I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
