no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
they need to just BURY HIM!
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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