i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
