morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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