i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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