I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
