i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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