somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
