His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
