If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
