Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
