i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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