I only kidnapped one of them. chill
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
