So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize