i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
and i looked up. we had an audience...
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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