his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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