This girl is more easily done than said...
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
