So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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