So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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