hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
