there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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