I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
