were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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