There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
