i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Your tits are I can't wait for
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
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