hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
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