So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
COCAINE IS GR8
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
