remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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