I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
