She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize