Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
