wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
