Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
