And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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