The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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