hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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