I forgot how hot balto sounded
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
