since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
