forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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