everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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