Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
