Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
