How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
