I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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