I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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