i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
