I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
