He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
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