i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
