and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Randomize
