I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
