i would punch a child for taco bell
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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