I want to have your abortion
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
