You're completely useless in the revolution.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
