The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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