well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
