If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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