Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
