I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
