Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
