Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize