i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
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