Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
