I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize