Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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