My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
She said her name was "party"
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize